A Stern Companion

I’ve spoken before of the incredible gall of New York City and its propensity to pick up whole restaurants or buildings and drop them in completely random spaces, just to make things more difficult.  People think the traffic here is bad just because there are too many people, but nooooo, it is this misplacing of buildings.  I’m positive.

So there I was, getting ready for a meeting at the Capitol Grille at noon.  I’ve got a lot of things going on, and the weather was super crap-tastic (wind and rain, which I love when I’m not crossing the Hudson).  I waited until the last moment and then decided that driving into the city was my most intelligent idea.

What in the aitch hee double toothpicks was I thinking?  Why do I ever have that thought?  I must banish the thought forever from my Utah born-and-raised brain.  Bad plan.  Especially on a day that ends with a Y. 

Google maps is cute – sort of.  But it is completely overwhelmed in Manhattan.  It loses its little mind and throws all reason out the window.  We (Google and I) had a great plan for me to drive the 2.1 miles to my meeting, but it doesn’t consider traffic, fire engines, protests, parades, police stops, movie filmings, or the great building shuffle.

So I FINALLY got to the parking garage 10 minutes late for my appointment. I started driving down into the death chute to the great underground, when the attendant came running up the ramp waving his arms and told me to back up to let 2 cars up.  Time continues ticking away.  Finally, two cars come burping up, and I start edging down the tiny tube in my over-sized car.  I got to the bottom and am shuffled into another back-up session to let a Bentley by.  Finally, another attendant comes by and wants to postpone me even more.  I mention that I’m super late, and he waves me away.

I run up the ramp – turn confidently toward where the Capitol Grille used to be.  I was a block (a long block) into my progress when I realized I didn’t recognize anything – stopped and opened up the map again to see if it had caught up.  I realized I was going exactly the wrong direction (story of my life), and turned around and dashed to my lunch meeting.

That’s when this fine, very grumpy-looking, lion looked at me disapprovingly and asked why I would ever show up 25 minutes late to a work meeting.  I had to explain about the buildings moving, the fact that I’m a transplant here, that the entire way NYC is laid out is insane, but the lion didn’t care.  As a matter of fact, he suggested that I quit babbling and scoot inside.

Once inside, I was met by 3 lovely lunch companions who weren’t at all angry with my tardiness (at least to my face).  We had a delicious lunch, delightful conversations, and the world got back on its axis, and I calmly left the restaurant to return home.  As I looked over my shoulder upon leaving the restaurant, I may even have seen the lion give me a big, slow wink.