Falling into Fall

The days are getting shorter, and the nights longer, and we begin the inevitable fall into fall.   But I’m not dreading it this time. I’ve dreaded fall and winter for so many years, now, that it is just a habit. The cool thing about habits is that you can change them.

Along with cooler temperature, an the requisite autumn bout with a cold, we have been enjoying the gorgeous foliage of the east coast.  I love the foggy mornings on the Hudson, and the birds who sing to bring the sunrise.

Yesterday was my birthday. In years past, I have put a lot of significance into this day – and it has often turned out to be disappointing, painful or just rude. So, because I’m forging a new path, I decided that I would celebrate yesterday much like I celebrate every day.

I woke up and greeted the beautiful, sunny morning. I made my bed, took my medicine. Had my coffee and lemon water, and did all the puzzles while watching boats and ships meander by. Then (because I’m still dealing with a stubborn cold), I gave myself permission to simply rest, recuperate and enjoy the day.  I ate healthy foods, I drank warm tea, I listened to my story on Audible while I finished a jigsaw puzzle.  I emptied the dishwasher, I watched a great series of Netflix, I took a hot bath, and I felt loved and nurtured.

I realize that (like most people,) I used to put a lot of emotions into an anniversary or a holiday. This time, I decided that instead of dreading a day, or planning to get depressed on a day because of a painful memory – I’m just going to detach from it.  I am grateful I’m alive to see another beautiful day. I’m rejoicing in the fact that life goes on for as long as it does. 

I spent the day thinking happy thoughts about my future.  Every time a sad or difficult thought floated by, I’d wave at it – “I see you, thought, but I don’t need you right now,” and off it would go to be replaced by a comforting thought, “I’m so comfy in my chair,” or “I love my view,” or “this tea is delicious.”

I heard from all of my darlings and sister who are the people that matter.  I turned off Facebook notifications so I wasn’t barraged by strangers wishing me a happy birthday.  That’s just noise I don’t need.  Mostly, I was kind and gentle with my healing self.  That’s a very happy birthday, indeed.