Gonk!

The other evening I was settling in for the night after a fun-filled day with my family. During the day, we went miniature golfing and spent time in a mirror maze at the American Dream Mall in NJ - it was so much fun! My grandson loved seeing himself in the mirrors and his laughter was infectious.

As I snuggled down into my big chair, enjoying a hot cup of tea and watching a movie, I heard a loud honking noise outside my window. “GONK!!!”  Followed by “GONK, GONK, GONK!” Living in New Jersey/New York, you may have thought it might be a car horn, a taxi honk, a ferry blast a cruise ship honk, a bus horn, a police or an ambulance siren. But – noooooooooo-  it turned out to be a goose!

I looked out over the harbor and saw the lone goose flying overhead, honking loudly, and searching for its mate. After a minute or so, I heard a big splash and saw Mr. and Ms. Goose reunited and quibbling in the water below. I couldn't tell if they were squabbling or rejoicing, but I like to think they were happy to see each other.

Did you know that geese mate for life? And, the female goose is called a goose, while the male is called a gander. A group of geese on land or in water is called a gaggle, but in the air, they are called a skein.

Now, just for a practical application, if you ever encounter a pissed-off goose, especially one that is hissing at you, there are some things you should do. First, maintain eye contact with it and keep facing forward. Slowly and calmly back away while maintaining a neutral demeanor. Spread your arms to look bigger than the goose. If the goose flies at your face, duck! Don't turn around and run away, but move perpendicularly away from the goose while still facing it.  Then, look all around to all of the people who are laughing hysterically at you (and pointing) and holding their cell-phones, recording their next entry on America’s Funniest Home Videos, smile, curtsey or bow, hold your head high and stroll authoritatively toward the nearest exit.

And just for your peace of mind, according to the Ohio Division of Wildlife, most injuries caused by goose attacks occur when the person is running away and trips. So it's best to retreat slowly and be mindful of potential obstacles that could harm you more than the goose itself.

Finally, I remember a joke about geese that I heard many years ago. At a cocktail party, a know-it-all man was expounding on different topics. During a lull in his monologue, I asked him why one side of the vee that geese fly in is longer than the other. He started to form a hypothesis about wind and climate, but I interrupted him and said, "Because, there are more geese on that side."  Then I turned on my heel and walked away.  It was a triumph.