Blue Sunday

When I left Utah, I thought that I had left the overprotective nannyhood of a church-run state.  But apparently not.  But first, let me tell you about a new mystery.  Now that I’ve moved to a different borough in New Jersey, the neighborhood Walmart has also moved.  Like there is no way to find it, or even if you could find the town it is in – which I can’t – it would not be there.  It’s really mysterious to me.  I only moved 5 miles, yet suddenly this nice little town which hosts Walmart, Trader Joes AND Costco, has suddenly become completely inaccessible to me.  Even my GPS couldn’t get me there– and I TRIED…THREE TIMES!

Nonetheless, I eventually gave up and had my phone GPS find a Costco near me.  It directed me to a little town called Teterboro.  As soon as I entered the store, I found a blue sign that read “Due to Bergen County’s Blue Law, This Item Is Not Available For Sale Today’.  I thought this must be a fluke – I mean, what the hell is a Blue Law?

I wandered through the electronics, the signs were everywhere.  Then the clothing was all covered up with sheeting and was sporting the same sign.  Same with housewares, jewelry, and absolutely everything but groceries. 

I stopped an employee and asked him, “What in the world is a Blue Law?”  He looked at me with that New Jersey kind of look and said “It’s a Law that is Blue”.  I wanted to kick him.  He then launched into a history lesson about the Puritans who in the 1600’s, deemed that shopping for anything other than groceries on a Sunday is ungodly.  Seriously!?  This is almost as arcane as Utah’s liquor laws!  This nonsense is over 400 years old!  Do we really think that the Puritans of yesteryear give one damn if we are going to shop on Sunday?

What truly astonished me is that everyone acted like it was just fine.  Walmart had the same signs, with a punny twist “Don’t Be Blue, Come Back Tomorrow”.   All of the stores in this weird little town are unable to sell anything but necessities.

So – long story long – I asked my GPS to take me to a different Costco near me.  The problem with having one Costco under the Blue Law Restriction is that the neighboring Costcos turn into rabid, grabbing, roller-derby rinks.  At the neighboring Costco, I got hit with a cart, not once, but twice!  The frenzy to get the free samples rivals getting a goal at a hockey game, slamming into the boards, spinning out on the ice, and falling under the crush of other shoppers.  It was mania.

I finally escaped and happily made it home.  Next up in Grand’s Love Adventures? Grandbaby came to visit my home yesterday…now THAT was everything!